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Sunday, September 30, 2007

My sunday life

This weekend taught me one more lesson ...initially ...probably a month ago ..I had big plans.But then ...this weekend ...sitting down as I type this post , I realise,"Man proposes ;God disposes". I realise that I donot have control over my next milli-second.

And now about my sunday :

7.30: Rise and Shine

8.00 : Calls and voip talks with folks in India and voice chat and communication of all form...howling, scowling inclusive ;-)

9.30 to 11.30: Prayer meeting...quite an unusual place for a not-so-religious person
like me.I believe in God ...not religions.But this place was close-by my library and I thought I ll just drop in to see whatz up with life at that corner.And I really liked it there.I had no prapers to offer...just gratitude in bounty.I like the music they played and the lead singer was good.And I enjoyed the sing-alongs.

11.30 to 2.00 : County library ...hoaged and enjoyed a hazel-nut coffee , a good read , a little hunt for books, and then sat down to enjoy the rains.And I love watching the rains.Its been pouring rains ...on and off ...from the morning .Infact the entire week has been like that.

2.00 to 4.00 : Shopped for winter clothing with 3 other friends of the hasty gender.They call it time-conscious and I call them hasty.I m done shopping for the winter.Next time , someone please boo if I go shopping for clothes.

4.30: Enjoyed a nice , hot chai latte from a friend's and popped half a crocin , for the head-ache and throat-ache that started couple of hours ago.

4.45: Bloggin on my friend's system , listening to him teasing me about the choice of books from the library...I got 5 of them today. One is a recommended title from Pooj .."One hundred years of solitude". Rest were random picks.

And the rest of the day looks like I ll do a bit of yapping and then head home to crash for a good-night's sleep.Here I go...forgetting the realisation I had in the first place....

This is where I am moment I m not sure.

This moment I m here...I m alive and contented ...though not happy.Hope my throat-ache leaves me soon.

Today is a good day to live :-)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Too lazy to think of a title..

If you were my friend, I would walk with you,
rattling every single metal off my mind;
if you were my colleague we could give each other a nod,
And gladly crib about the bugs and looming dead-lines;
if you were my enemy I can brew hatred
and with all evil pleasure , drown you, the beast;
if you were a stranger I would have blown you a smile,
or may be chatted for while;
You are not any of these, but still you haunt my days,
like a dementor , a shadow ... a ghost.
Crawling through my days, casting your darkness
every now and then ,breaking my smile just when it blooms.
No... that just is not what you do...therez more:
Sometimes your goodness scares me ...I fear intentions.
Through your rude words and wrecking comments,
I see care...camouflaged.
There was a time I was scared of you
for the brilliance that you held;
The scare has not changed...just the reason:
You can break me from within.
In bellowing words ....loud and clear,
now I know never was meant to be.
Hidden from prying eyes ,within my secrets walls,
I wish I could mean what I say.
I know I never ever will get there.
I am incapable of hating you...not just you,
anyone for that matter.
If you think I hinted my love saying that,
you are terribly mistaken,
I dont take the same lesson twice;
You made me so...worldy-wise.
Those I love , I see them through my heart,
others ...just through my eyes.
For you , my eyes would do.

P.S: I am at this point of time (I might mean just today), ...numb,in a care-a-damn mind-set , or may be just too thing for sure I am not ...angry at anyone(self included).This piece is just shot-off from the impatient, restless part of me , may be a stress-buster.If we know each other and you know the weird ways I think ,you should know what to do when I say,"Dont give this a thought".Trust me.This is no tirade.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Smiling through the night :-)

Well , if you thought something inside my head cranked up ...may be you are right...but to me it does not matter.

I am happy :-)

I ve always been a lucky little brat ..always surrounded by the best of people ...whether itz the someone I do crazy things with ( like walking on a main street...wading through the waters ..with foot-wear in hand ;) ) , or the someone on whose lap I lie down and cry , or the someone with whom I talk through the night as if there would not be another day , or the someone with whom I walked down the university ...hand in hand , or the someone who makes me laugh , or the someone whoz Dharma to the me whoz Grey ,or the someone with whom I relish noodles,music and tang and sweet nothings until it is dawn , or the someone to whom I can simply say "I hate you " and know that I would be understood , or the someone with whom I ve been a partner in crime , or the butterfly whoz my online sanity-saver or the someone who taught me my life's biggest lesson, ...each one of them....

Sometimes the joy is overwhelming ...humbling realise that I ve been just more than blessed ...

3 years ago I would ve jumped in joy ... these days I ve lost my insanity ...I can only smile ... a well-thought , calm , smile ...full of gratitude and contentment.But I ve not abandoned my weridity ..right in the middle of the night (the time is 1.35 CST) , thinking of all my special people and smiling.

I like this crazy part of me ...crying as to fill the world's oceans..and rejoicing as if all heavens were let loose...That simply is me :-)

I m enjoying it here...this planet is a great place to be !!!!

What ya say?

P.S: Just one more thing for me to feel lucky about ...the auto-save in blogger that kept in-tact this post through the cranky net session.I almost thought I lost this all...

Monday, September 24, 2007

A snap-shot of me

After a long time , I feel fear and overwhelmed by an emotion I cannot give a name or explain.But I just aint feeling good.I m that kind of person ...who gets scared for things I dont know ...for reasons not very obvious.I am not very good at tracking down the trigger.I know therez one.May be itz the tough day I had been through.

Just when I want to have my folks around me ...atleast at calling distance ...I ve misplaced my cell-phone.A night without my cell-phone is ok....but just not tonight.
Trying hard to save my sanity and that is the very reason that this post is happening now.

I dont want to consider the option of chatting for the simple reason that I m going to startle my people when out of the blue I say ,"I m scared".Chat is a tough medium to relate on an emotional level.

I know everything is going to be just fine.I just have to believe what I know.Now , I ll go bury my head in my thoughts ..I dont know what to do with them..

On a lighter note ...tears are good for me...they keep my eyes nice , clean and moist :-)


Saturday, September 22, 2007

An update and few more thoughts

The last couple of weeks had been quite places , new people , known people with new faces , new experiences ...thatz a lot of learning for a short span.

The weekend before the previous (Sep 9, 2007) , had been to Doug's beautiful lake cabin. Did quite a bit of adventure stuff...tubing and water -skiing.Well with skiing , I was almost there :) When in the waters , I feel at home ..( ofcourse with my life jacket on).I enjoyed the part where I got a little more adventurous going under the boat to untangle the tubing-rope from the rudder.Should learn swimming sometime.

With some people , you spend quite so much time together ...but not vocalize any bonding and therez no path together.But its good , two parallel paths merging , no crossing , free-to-divulge ...and yet together.Time and again I realise any good relationship makes the people in it , independent and each other special.

And then there are others with whom you had once walked the same path together holding hands, though now the path has forked .And when the paths cross again , the
warmth comes back into the heart.But then you know it at heart , it may not last.It rather not.This wary makes the bond more of logic than emotional.

Oh..and then the other kind ..who vocalize so very much and give you the feel good pleasure.The best bet is to do the learning and move on.It does not hurt to love.But where love ends , hurt is inevitable. Itz ok to get hurt once in a while.You will remember you still have a heart...and that you still are vulnerable.

Last weekend (Sep 15 , 16) I had been to Chicago , which I would not call an eventful trip ...but rather an adventurous one.What else would you call one where the major part was getting lost ?! But fun is fun ...even when you are lost.

This weekend ..the one thatz happening now , is kinda laid-back , recuperation , relaxing and dreaming ...and I m enjoying it this way.The best part is I actually am making up for all the thinking which I missed the last couple of weekends.

Well , at this point this is more than an update ...thatz live news :-) I ll take leave with that.Have a great weekend all!!!