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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Stuff that wont mean much to you if you dint know me

Phew ...thatz the longest ever title I came up with!!

One flickering opportunity to reconnect to my past and so many thoughts gush out from the dark crevices.

I dont remember quite well , but there were write-ups that I did under the title 'Seeds of Sunshine'.Should hunt them down once I m back home.Want to see how I thought then.

And then, there is an answer I forgot and this is the question thatz eating my brain : "What is the young-one of a deer called?" yeah..yeah I can google , but nothing is even close to when you get to hear from that special someone :)

Having been the meek lil' person I was ( way back in school :) ) , and sometimes I tend to be now , has cost me quite a lot.

I realise that most things in life go beyond our reach , not because we questioned them , but because we held our silence. How do I even account for all those questions I should have asked and never did? What do I do about the words that I left unspoken ?

They will all wash down into the soliloquy sink.They shall best be unspoken.

And ***** ( with the remotest possibility of you coming here), spell the magical word :) Itz a sitter for you :)

I know.I can hear you say , "Grow up Ramya " :)...and I m trying here !!!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A beautiful experience

On Jan 17th 2008 I held a new born in my hands for the first ever time in my life and I was in tears , the feeling was so overwhelming.

And today , I sang little Raeya to sleep :) and I simply cant believe what I did !!!

To reinstate my hopes about life, to get me past the grey days or the mundane life, to mellow the piling bitterness towards the not-so-pleasant things of life , to grant myself the gift of forgiveness, to believe in a new beginning, that there is no such thing as end of life , just a thought about these two would do :Babies and puppies.

I try to think of what in them draws this feeling out of me , and I have no answer...may be itz simply their being.If only my being could make so much sense...

Friday, January 25, 2008

Speaking my heart out...

Everyday is presenting me with an opportunity to learn ...whether at work , or with people, or if its simply being all by myself.And what I m learning was never even part of curriculum , thatz 20+ yrs of schooling ?!!! There can never be a greater school than life and no lesson as good as what life presents us with :-)With all honesty I say , the magnitude of life never ceases to amaze me.

Everyday I learn hear, to speak, to remember , to smile, to listen,to ignore , to hope, to believe, to suspect, to hold my silence, to forgive, to hold my very many lessons. Some I learn , some I fear, some I forget , some I relearn , some I omit, some that come back and slam me down.

The more I realise what I learn , the more humble I feel.No, I dont feel small, I feel humble.I dont know if I m mixing up God with life. And to me there are just synonyms.

I have come to realise that the most important things in life are not the most obvious ones.Money is a mandate and I dont refute on that. But what makes life worthwhile is all the love that is there, the compassion you feel toward a fellow human , the pain felt when another soul is hurt or when your heart skips a beat for a stumbling child.

Last year has made me as strong and as empathetic.Funny , how I think about Matthew and Baskaran , the less prominent people I used to meet everyday. I wonder what is with their lives.I pray that they should be happy. I am anxious for a pregnant friend and think about how a dear one is doing at school and a friend whoz marriage prep is underway and another who has began hers at a far away city. I dont know why. I think of so many people...many of them whom I would ve spoken hardly few words.I know when I see them , I will have no words to speak and it will all be muted by a smile and a nod.

Coming back, I want to be more compassionate than strong. I ve come to realise that compassion is stronger than strength.I learnt it from a 75 year young lady...a very beautiful and compassionate lady.

For that, I am thankful to life.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A fresh start...

yeah ...I know...I ve been in a daze.Nevertheless the year is still new ...aint it?

Wish you a very happy and prosperous New year filled with lotsa love, light and laughter!!!

A clean, fresh start is always refreshing full of promises and hope.An opportunity to reflect, correct, begin new.

Looking through the rear view at the year that just reeled by...these are my thoughts: Almost the entire year spent away from family and folks..the year was quite a learning experience.

Someone said : "Nothing to lose.Always to win" . Year 2007 took away from me, all that I had made and gave me all that I dint have. I am truly amazed at what I capacity to love, to look beyond the looming differences, to understand and grow. On a personal front , this year, I met this face of mine, I had never ever met, not even in my dreams.

I have to thank my family , friends and folks I meet day-in and day-out, for the ways in which they made my life better ...the many things that they helped me learn...and survive.And ask forgiveness for the tough times I put them through.I did the way I did because I dint know a better way to do.I am learning here...forgive my mistakes.

Year 2007 has prepared me quite well for 2008.

For year 2008 , I ve these on my mind:
-> Learn new things ...
-> Look at life beyond work
-> To classify things I want and dont want.Remove the clutter.
-> To respond rather than react
-> To empathize with people before getting critical of them
-> To let go my defenses and be the warm person that I always had been

I want to remind myself that everyone lives to be happy or is striving to be happy.We are not very different from each there is no need to fear people ...all that is needed is understanding.

This year, I choose to understand people.