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Monday, May 22, 2006

Lost and found !!!

Yesternight I experienced what I would call nothing less than a miracle.
Let me start off with what happened yesterday and then lead you unto my past , where I ve my memories grandized in gold.
Friendships have always been a vital part of my life and more so of me and they will continue to be..

Yesterday, I was very hurt(I owe it to my vulnerability) and decided to perform my self-soothening ritual of blog-hopping , skimming through blogs.Just then , I hit upon a name so familiar , so close to my heart , a name I ve etched in my heart for years.
I was devouring frantically every post of the blog, which I believed was that of my long-last friend , looking for some cue or string to weave back to my school days.
And I had my bounty... it is hers.
What I feel is sheer joy!Oh please...the previous sentence is so poorly understated.Miracles are too great to be bound by words!!

Now, a briefing on why she is so special and her friendship so priceless.
It was my sixth grade and we were best of friends.Then,I was confronted with a choice I had to make : Continue to be ONLY her best-friend else give up that beautiful thing between us for friends I never really made.
I chose to be a friend of all and saw the our togetherness fade into the air.
The pain I felt , the day she left the school , waving bye to every other person except me, the tears that rolled down my cheeks as I weeped silently, hiding myself behind a tree at my school's basket-ball court , just to catch one last sight of her ,everything remains so fresh.

It is more than 12 years since all that happened , and repentance still breezes in leaving me hurt.
I repent for the choice I made , for having given up on a friendship that meant so very much to me.Then,I was not wise enough to understand that possessiveness is just another expression of how much I meant to her and not as I saw , a sign of oppression.
I repent because I gave up on what was meant to stay and grow and unfurl blossoms.

May be our togetherness is still in the air , just where it faded into.May be she will remember me.

May be we will be friends...just what we ought to be...

Friend , if you are reading this, I am really sorry for the choice I made , for the hurt I put you through.

Just the thought that I found you makes me fervently humble to the unimaginable possibilities that life has in store.Now, I do believe in miracles.

Thank you for opening up a beautiful world for me , back then , when we were in our sixth class.

Thank you for helping me believe.

Lost and not found

If at point of time , you have wondered about the real you, I am just there , in that very spot , leaving my shadow to wonder where it is belongs to.
My shadow , I knew its been there with me , even when I was incapable of seeing it.Whether I ve been there for myself, I dont have an answer.But if there has to be an answer , I would have to say "no".

The very many times I ve deserted my self , grabbed my dreams away, trimmed-off my wings , chained my interests , crucified the self that was so very much me,the spurts of criticisms , I ve to say no.
And then, there had been times when I smiled when I wanted to snob , when I hanged-on when all I wanted was to let go , was angelic when I wanted to be otherwise , was patient whilst I was screaming insides.My self, I know ,is all marred.

Venue:Besant Nagar

The masks I wear in and out , the masks have become my second nature , I handle them with such ease,I can put thespians to shame.
If you ask me why, I dont have an answer.
If you ask me how , I dont know.
If you ask me to show my true face ,I cannot.
I dont remember having one.

May be I lost it even before I knew I had one.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

To have is to have not

Over lunch, we discussed about the vary many directions that are being sought , the new avenues being explored and about the desperateness that sets into a list-less mind, that drives it far and beyond.

To have a list, to hold a road map and to have a destiny zeroed-in , is as much a bane as it is otherwise.I see it as a limitation that one draws upon oneself, a narrowing down of possibilities , undermining the generosity of life.

In some strange sense, getting what is wanted stops one from getting what one deserves.What we achieve sets us into a state of complacency that we become oblivious of what we are capable of achieving.

Winning over complacency is one of the toughest things I ve ever attempted.Every day I battle , with my mind for the sword and the soul softened by good-fortune , for my armour.I m simply bruised all over."The war is what matters", I tell myself.

"There are only two tragedies in life:
one is not getting what one wants,
and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde

How true!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Can't-think-of-one syndrome - I

If a post of mine bears a title like this one that you are reading , just know that I ve been suffering the 'Can't-think-of-one' syndrome.
I think everyone of us suffers this atleast once in our life-time , whether it is giving a name to the kitten you just adopted, a new born , a blog you egged ,an anonymity you are seeking, an account you want to create or a project that just got kicked-off (just like it did last week :-) ).
The weekend that just went by was packed with pilgrimage.
The trip I thought would be taking me through a rich photo shoot.
Owe it to my E-gnorance ...the whole thing blew up :-(
Dint know quite well how to handle my cam , and the through put turned out to be what I can call digital this.

This is a snap from Srirangam temple.
I leave it to you to guess whatz so special about this pic.
Just in case if you are as good as me in brain-energy conservation, this is for you:
This is a sculpture on one of the pillars of the prakaars of tghe temple.
Hide the body of the animal to your left and you can see an elephant in full.On hiding the body of the elephant , you will see a cow.
Quite a marvel...what do you say?

Yet another pic I wanted to share is that of the really cute cup of coffee that I had.

Courtesy:Coffee Day,Besant Nagar.

I almost forgot !!!

Yet another snap that was supposed to be here was that of my slender index-finger with a stripe of indigo running right through.But now that the streak of indigo is almost gone , here's a pic of what remains of it :-)

Hope that the newly elected government would execute well their duties as I did :-)