A little better me

I am trying here ...to be a lil better ...more patient, less demanding, more tolerant, more understanding. There is a cheerfulness pattern to me; when I m with a certain genre of people I beam with cheer, well beyond the grim thoughts welling in me and then there are others with whom even my sunny-self suffers.I dont even know if I view them like they are my Dementors , but luck has it that things majorly goof up , fall-short , just when they are invicinity.I am working to break the pattern.Looks like the pattern is trying me even harder.

That apart, there is some consistency that I m trying to bring to my days and to myself. I ve little dreams I wanna pursue , little places where I want to get to , little moments that I want to make.

The other day I was thinking about dying and what I would miss if I have to die , funny ...there is nothing. May be I ll just ask for a minute or two for a little self-talk and a small thank-you prayer and then lie and smile to sleep.Thatz just the way I feel.

I ll sign off here now ... my thinking is getting water-locked :-)

Choose not to read this

Honestly...I am perfectly ok if you choose to flip to another site or go back to a some place where sensibility prevails. I am in no mood to think and there is nothing in particular I want to talk about.So I really cannot say what I am gonna spew!!

A little while ago I was reminded of a very very wonderful time I had with a friend on a New year's day (let me get more specific ...the year is 2005).If I have to count all my happy moments that sure would be in.

Oh!...and about past two days, I was hyper-enthused ...smiling, chirpy, super friendly,singing ...like I had done drugs...just could not contain my spirits.

I dont know if there is any jerk who could even match up with me...I miss people like crazy!!I am really really sad.I miss some friends , the good times ( I have insufficient memory for the bad ones), fun , laughters, mushy mushy moments...what do I do?!!!Sometimes I feel like I would shine shoes, mop floors, sell insurances to zombies; do just about anything to talk to my friends, be with them.And another irkiest part is when I see one day-in and day-out and pretend like I m this poise, gracious lady ,at a distance, when I am all about screaming within over how I terribly miss the good times we had.

Gosh ...I am such a tough person to handle!!!What you call a normal day would make me feel I m riding a roller-coaster.Today I was all of it: happy, sad, confused, lonely, nostalgic, teary, chirpy, argumentative, poise, responsible, dumb, lost, courteous, rude, friendly...you name it. My mood-swings are as bad as Mr.Ramanan's weather forecast ; I really cant predict which way they would sway.But then, predictability is so dull and uninteresting!!!

I am getting a little hazy about what I am typing...sleep calls.I ll call this done here.Your patience is much appreciated:) I just have one question to ask : "Are you crazy?"!!

HQ experience

Yesterday morning I started for office and was not in particularly great mood ...may be the previous day training that went late into the night ,may be the errors that wont go, may be sleeplessness or may be just me ...whatever the reason. Well , that was a minor glitch in my day's program.What followed was amazing ...may be I was destined to have a good start.

I stepped out of the house and waved out for an auto who just stopped and surprised me with his politeness. For the first time in my life I was hearing an auto-wala say "Yes Mam, where do you want to go?" and gosh ... the tone was soo polite and he had a smile on his face !!!Well, that made me all smiles :) He made a few inquiries on how to get to the place , set his ear phones on and sang all the way.All along he was such a courteous driver , giving way to other vehicles , waiting for the pedestrians to cross, being patient at the signals and minimal honking . I felt like I was living an utopia !!!

That ride turned me from a grouch I was starting the day as to a all-smiles person.Honestly , he made my day. Itz amazing how people with a high HQ(Happiness Quotient) can be so contagious.

P.S: Funny I ve been thinking about him the whole of yesterday and earnestly wish I could catch up with him sometime.Happiness can be very addictive :)

An update for update's sake...

Itz been a month since I ve been away ... connectivity was remote and so was my zeal to blog.Been in intense thinking mode.

A quick recap of things that went by: came back home; stayed unconnected for a ong while ..no internet , no mobile ; Paid an unenthusiatic visit to my abode (sigh!!!) ; Went on a trek ( I see a little life there!!!) ; Hurt my toe and my toe nail suffers even now ; Saw a lay-off at work , watched my friends let go , felt bleak; Uncertainity quotient is an all time high , which I think is good ... stagnation is bad , breeds grub (took a while to get this thought sorted).Thatz that.

And now , flu is in the air ...I ve got the germs as well. Have been without a cold or fever for a long while , so thought I ll let this one be. Decided to keep away from medications.Downing jugs of Vitamin C and itz doing good. I know I m gonna be just fine by Monday.

Thatz from me for now. Until I think of something worth posting, I ll leave you with this babble.

Take good care :)