My Little Leader

I dread year-ends , guess it is the festivities and holiday season that brings out the melancholy in me. So, I generally try to validate what I feel,  try and be extra nice to me with more chocolates and hot chocolates. The idea to keep my spirits buoyant. 

Another such effort is to spend as much time , outdoors,  with the kids.One such trip was to Jurong Lake Garden , where we spent a good part of the day, before winding up with a BFF catch-up.

While the park, where there are play-zones themes based on animals, Vini was doing her rounds at the snake slides. Mintu and myself were chatting up. We heard some loud noises and I went over . Turns out, a kid was at the top of the slide and too scared to slide down. The mum , dad and grand-dad were trying to talk the kid to slide down. 

Just then Vini came down the slide. I briefed her that the kid up there is too scared , just talk to the kid and help the kid's way down. My little one clambered up the ladder again and in the next few minutes both the kids were down. I actually had expected the whole thing to take longer.

I gave Vini a fist bump wiggles and asked her what she spoke to the kid. My own thoughts were along the lines of calming the kid and coaching her to be brave and stuff. Vini replied as a matter of fact , I asked the kid , "Do you want to go down the slide ? I will come right behind you." and she slid down. Yet another time I was stumped by how simplicity works.

Somehow I felt the coaching style talks are just to feel good about ourselves  , how we are better :p 

I realised one does not have to give NBA coach talks to help people overcome a situation or accomplish something. Helping them believe in the possibilities and assuring that you are having them covered is enough.

Vini cries for Izzy

Sometime last week we lost our pet hamster Izzy .Vini was distraught and I just held her close and let her cry. Vini had been the primary care giver and had taken care of Izzy when she was small enough for her enclosure, starting with good morning , good byes and how-was-your-day kind of questions and sharing. Vini is Izzy's mommy.

It was quite an emotional time for all of us. Personally, I terribly miss Izzy. She used to keep me company when I am home alone or when I stay up to wrap my stuff on my laptop. For the little being that she was, Izzy brought much love into our lives.Every bite into a green apple and every late-nighter I pull, will remind me of Izzy. It is very difficult to walk into kitchen where I would no longer feel the furry scratch.

I wanted to blog this memory because I wanted to remind myself and the girls that no matter what your physical or intellectual stature is , you are so capable of loving and being a source of joy to your people.And the ability to cry for another fellow being , that, I feel is of utmost value. Along the way, we sometimes are so hurt and in our attempt to self-preserve, we forget the caring , loving person that we are so capable of being and tears hardly come by. To feel another's pain as one's own and to be able to cry for another being is something I want to nurture in myself and the girls.

When there is a situation to deal with , I put on my pragmatic cape and deal with it. I set aside any emotions and remind myself of how strong I am and then go ahead and deal with the situation.The emotions, that the situation stirred up within me, go repressed or take another form:sadness becomes anger and hurt becomes defiant.What could have been a 'I miss you terribly' becomes 'I don't care what happens' camouflage. I am learning to channelise them right.

There sure are situations where your love and emotional involvement into a relationship goes unnoticed or conveniently ignored. At times like those, I try to offer some lee-way that the person is not equipped to value the relationship. The value you bring to a relationship is never diminished by another's inability to see it.

As for me, I want to constantly remind myself and the girls to live a fulfilling life . If there is hurt and pain, retreat, nurse , heal and come back. There is no other way to live life but to love it ...with tears and all.

To my younger daughter, who is so full of love, every single day

When all good intentions are not very helpful,
when all your love and kindness goes in vain,
when good times are only bad memories
and what remains is nothing but pain,
when walking alone feels so much better,
even as you hide your tears in the rain,
I want you to just remember :
Though the whole world turns you away,
you will always be my super-hero.
Your love is your super-power
and its amazing how you win without someone losing,
the way you heal hearts' bruises and pain.
Baby, no matter what the world tells you,
no matter how gloomy and blue,
Mend your cape and fly high,
higher than  where your dreams can take you.
A million times and a million over,
I wanna tell you a gazillion times over again:
Baby, you truly should remember:
Baby, you are enough!!

A random thought

A long time ago,  a friend wrote this for me :

Thinking about it, the converse makes as much sense :

Dont say 'No' when you want to say 'Yes' 

Dum vivimus vivamus

Came across this very insightful  Latin phrase that means "While we live, let us live."  So very much in line with what has been my outlook of life since 2018 : Live much , love much.

Towards the end of the year 2017 , I made a conscious decision to live a very fulfilling , more alive life. As  part of the decision, I came up with some pointers to help me along the way. I am not sure how much of these would make sense, but I am sharing them nevertheless :)

1. Invest in health - eat well, sleep well, play well

2. Invest in yourself - Do the things you love , learn, read, listen to music

3. Remove any human toxicity. The litmus test to a relationship is how does the person make you feel when you close your eyes and think about her/him.

4. Connect with your friends from your younger days.They would seek nothing but your friendship

5. Travel as much

6. Start tying up loose ends when it comes to financial planning for posterity

7. Engage in meaningful conversations with the people who matter the most.There is no need to hold back anything.

8. Stop worrying about what other people would think.They have enough things to worry about than to think about you. 

P.S :  I  really haven't been in this space that often.

9. Teach the kids self-worth, respect for all living beings and to be happy. Everything else they will pick-up /figure out along the way. 

10. Smile as often as you can.

11. Forgive - yourself and others

12. Be a source of positivity. Always believe in the goodness and abundance of life.

13. Be brave enough to call-out a spade as a spade

Success in life, for me, is defined by the number of lives I have made better ... be it a smile, a kind word or a streak of hope.

Yet another quote that has been of immense inspiration :

"When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind."

 - Dr Wayne W. Dyer

I plan to make a big poster of this for our home.

This is something I am doing after a real long time ....carnatic music playing  in the background and I am blogging into the wee hours...loving it!!

Dum vivimus vivamus !!

I hate you ...

After a real long time and multitude of posts that were born and gone inside my head, this one is for keeping...

I hate you ...

I hate you for what you do to me.
I hate you for the pain of too much tenderness.
I hate you for the way I feel overwhelmed by a ripple, a drizzle or a feather.
I was just so content wading my feet in the shallows of life and you come along and push me into the gorges.
Now I am gulping and gasping ... so much joy and so much pain.
But this I tell you ...I hate you for making me feel alive,
just when I taught myself to sleep-walk through my days.

I walk around with a scarred heart and every scar I treasure
Each one a reminder of a hard time , a broken promise , a withered dream or a lost love,
a star I wear for surviving.
Now , the toughness of my scars is giving away and I seem to lay bare.
The fear of the ensuing pain has set my heart to a blur.
Do I have the energy to  muster up myself and put my pillows to dry?
I lay on bed trying to figure out if I am sleeping or awake.
Should I hurt or get hurt?
Should there be hurt at all?
I have no answer. I will bask in this moment that is.
Even as I shine my armour, I will let my blade to rust.
I will say a prayer that there may be no hurt ...no pain.
If there has to be pain, then let it be like the pain of waking up from a beautiful dream,
where the heart is the mirth of the dream and the mind is aware of what lies ahead.
You will always be fondly thought of ...but still...I hate you .

Coffee

You knocked on the door,
I opened my heart.
You walked right in
and sat down like you were no stranger.
Like you are not new to this,
Like you have done this many times over,
Like it was just meant to be.
I don't know the name of this place.
I don't know where this road leads to.
But, here, I am me and you are you.
No niceities, no courtesy.
While this lasts, we will share.
Coffee never felt this good...