Life between 9.00 and 6.00 has never been this uninteresting. I am so wretchedly bored with the nothingness that I am blogging about it :)
Yeah ..yeah I hear you ...this is the best time to self-learn , focus on your goals, get ahead et all.Did you know that too much of anything can't be good for you ? 9 hours is too much time to kill!!
In the beginning it was fun, having lots of time at my disposal. But time now is weighing me down.These are the binding criteria:
-> I cant hit social networks.
-> Not third party emails ( I hardly get any mails related to work...)
-> Strictly no gaming
-> I overdid blog-hopping that the very thought of reading one more blog makes my stomach churn!!
-> Surfing the net has an almost similar effect on me as blog-hopping.
If you have any suggestions on sensibly expending time ....I am game :)
Latest gyaan revealed :
No one ever died of hard work ( Boredom kills).
Read this like it :
My life is a series of lessons I need,happening in perfect order.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Sunday, May 04, 2008
A thought and an afterthought
Quite sometime back I thought that life was like walking on a tread-mill , treading so hard and not getting anywhere ahead.
Just over the weekend the thought came back to me again, about not getting anywhere with life, and I realised that the treading hard may not get me anywhere now , but I am getting stronger for sure...strong enough to trudge along , when my road takes me ahead.
Just over the weekend the thought came back to me again, about not getting anywhere with life, and I realised that the treading hard may not get me anywhere now , but I am getting stronger for sure...strong enough to trudge along , when my road takes me ahead.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
A retrospective - tagged by PK (A real long time ago)
I shall not be doomed by the curse of the dead tag.I m sorry PK , I am awfully late with picking up the tag.Itz been a while that I got back to blogging and you see things at work are no longer the same.I ve work!! Well , then there is laziness ( I need a scribe!!).Nevertheless I ve tried to give my 10 cents and here they happen:
Family:
My family is where I ve drawn all my craziness from :) Glad that I am here and no where else.
Friends:
Friends have always been part of my survival kit.My list of best remains the same all through and the one guy who tops it from where we started , miss you dude.Friends apart, there are people whom I love,draw my inspiration from, admire or adulate so much ...that I cannot simply call them friends.They mean so much to me, no matter where they are...
My Love:
This post struck me most (of the little retrospective that I did). I ve grown to believe that love is a matter of hard-work and heart , rather than the heart itself.
Things I like:
Adventure sports , books , music , nature, conversations, long walks, beaches , long drives, nostalgia
Myself:
As I see myself , I am a hyper , simple , self-critical and thinking person. Small things make me happy and I rebound from mishaps soon.It is so tough to nail myself down to a more relaxed tempo.I am drawn to learn or try new things, going places, meeting new people ( well , what do I do about my waning spirit to make friends?) .There is a certian desperateness with which I live life, as if it would end tomorrow , and this puts myself under immense pressure. I m into self-talk mode to set myself right.
Recent plans and activities include:
Learning carnatic music
Trekking
Revived my daily yoga
You are tagged : Monu , Reetu, Kirthi *** A grin of satisfaction***
Family:
My family is where I ve drawn all my craziness from :) Glad that I am here and no where else.
Friends:
Friends have always been part of my survival kit.My list of best remains the same all through and the one guy who tops it from where we started , miss you dude.Friends apart, there are people whom I love,draw my inspiration from, admire or adulate so much ...that I cannot simply call them friends.They mean so much to me, no matter where they are...
My Love:
This post struck me most (of the little retrospective that I did). I ve grown to believe that love is a matter of hard-work and heart , rather than the heart itself.
Things I like:
Adventure sports , books , music , nature, conversations, long walks, beaches , long drives, nostalgia
Myself:
As I see myself , I am a hyper , simple , self-critical and thinking person. Small things make me happy and I rebound from mishaps soon.It is so tough to nail myself down to a more relaxed tempo.I am drawn to learn or try new things, going places, meeting new people ( well , what do I do about my waning spirit to make friends?) .There is a certian desperateness with which I live life, as if it would end tomorrow , and this puts myself under immense pressure. I m into self-talk mode to set myself right.
Recent plans and activities include:
Learning carnatic music
Trekking
Revived my daily yoga
You are tagged : Monu , Reetu, Kirthi *** A grin of satisfaction***
Friday, February 01, 2008
Everyday, a day of learning
Things I learnt today ( from 9.00 am to 1.00 pm, to be precise) :
-> Humility is the greatest of all virtues
-> Self-help is the best help
-> It takes a moment to spill a word and a life-time to digest it
-> Every cause has an effect
-> One's Conscience is undoubtedly the best judge and the most cruel nemesis
Thinking (wondering) what the rest of the day holds for me ...
-> Humility is the greatest of all virtues
-> Self-help is the best help
-> It takes a moment to spill a word and a life-time to digest it
-> Every cause has an effect
-> One's Conscience is undoubtedly the best judge and the most cruel nemesis
Thinking (wondering) what the rest of the day holds for me ...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Stuff that wont mean much to you if you dint know me
Phew ...thatz the longest ever title I came up with!!
One flickering opportunity to reconnect to my past and so many thoughts gush out from the dark crevices.
I dont remember quite well , but there were write-ups that I did under the title 'Seeds of Sunshine'.Should hunt them down once I m back home.Want to see how I thought then.
And then, there is an answer I forgot and this is the question thatz eating my brain : "What is the young-one of a deer called?" yeah..yeah I can google , but nothing is even close to when you get to hear from that special someone :)
Having been the meek lil' person I was ( way back in school :) ) , and sometimes I tend to be now , has cost me quite a lot.
I realise that most things in life go beyond our reach , not because we questioned them , but because we held our silence. How do I even account for all those questions I should have asked and never did? What do I do about the words that I left unspoken ?
They will all wash down into the soliloquy sink.They shall best be unspoken.
And ***** ( with the remotest possibility of you coming here), spell the magical word :) Itz a sitter for you :)
I know.I can hear you say , "Grow up Ramya " :)...and I m trying here !!!
One flickering opportunity to reconnect to my past and so many thoughts gush out from the dark crevices.
I dont remember quite well , but there were write-ups that I did under the title 'Seeds of Sunshine'.Should hunt them down once I m back home.Want to see how I thought then.
And then, there is an answer I forgot and this is the question thatz eating my brain : "What is the young-one of a deer called?" yeah..yeah I can google , but nothing is even close to when you get to hear from that special someone :)
Having been the meek lil' person I was ( way back in school :) ) , and sometimes I tend to be now , has cost me quite a lot.
I realise that most things in life go beyond our reach , not because we questioned them , but because we held our silence. How do I even account for all those questions I should have asked and never did? What do I do about the words that I left unspoken ?
They will all wash down into the soliloquy sink.They shall best be unspoken.
And ***** ( with the remotest possibility of you coming here), spell the magical word :) Itz a sitter for you :)
I know.I can hear you say , "Grow up Ramya " :)...and I m trying here !!!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
A beautiful experience
On Jan 17th 2008 I held a new born in my hands for the first ever time in my life and I was in tears , the feeling was so overwhelming.
And today , I sang little Raeya to sleep :) and I simply cant believe what I did !!!
To reinstate my hopes about life, to get me past the grey days or the mundane life, to mellow the piling bitterness towards the not-so-pleasant things of life , to grant myself the gift of forgiveness, to believe in a new beginning, that there is no such thing as end of life , just a thought about these two would do :Babies and puppies.
I try to think of what in them draws this feeling out of me , and I have no answer...may be itz simply their being.If only my being could make so much sense...
And today , I sang little Raeya to sleep :) and I simply cant believe what I did !!!
To reinstate my hopes about life, to get me past the grey days or the mundane life, to mellow the piling bitterness towards the not-so-pleasant things of life , to grant myself the gift of forgiveness, to believe in a new beginning, that there is no such thing as end of life , just a thought about these two would do :Babies and puppies.
I try to think of what in them draws this feeling out of me , and I have no answer...may be itz simply their being.If only my being could make so much sense...
Friday, January 25, 2008
Speaking my heart out...
Everyday is presenting me with an opportunity to learn ...whether at work , or with people, or if its simply being all by myself.And what I m learning was never even part of curriculum , thatz 20+ yrs of schooling ?!!! There can never be a greater school than life and no lesson as good as what life presents us with :-)With all honesty I say , the magnitude of life never ceases to amaze me.
Everyday I learn ...to hear, to speak, to remember , to smile, to listen,to ignore , to hope, to believe, to suspect, to hold my silence, to forgive, to hold my peace...so very many lessons. Some I learn , some I fear, some I forget , some I relearn , some I omit, some that come back and slam me down.
The more I realise what I learn , the more humble I feel.No, I dont feel small, I feel humble.I dont know if I m mixing up God with life. And to me there are just synonyms.
I have come to realise that the most important things in life are not the most obvious ones.Money is a mandate and I dont refute on that. But what makes life worthwhile is all the love that is there, the compassion you feel toward a fellow human , the pain felt when another soul is hurt or when your heart skips a beat for a stumbling child.
Last year has made me as strong and as empathetic.Funny , how I think about Matthew and Baskaran , the less prominent people I used to meet everyday. I wonder what is with their lives.I pray that they should be happy. I am anxious for a pregnant friend and think about how a dear one is doing at school and a friend whoz marriage prep is underway and another who has began hers at a far away city. I dont know why. I think of so many people...many of them whom I would ve spoken hardly few words.I know when I see them , I will have no words to speak and it will all be muted by a smile and a nod.
Coming back, I want to be more compassionate than strong. I ve come to realise that compassion is stronger than strength.I learnt it from a 75 year young lady...a very beautiful and compassionate lady.
For that, I am thankful to life.
Everyday I learn ...to hear, to speak, to remember , to smile, to listen,to ignore , to hope, to believe, to suspect, to hold my silence, to forgive, to hold my peace...so very many lessons. Some I learn , some I fear, some I forget , some I relearn , some I omit, some that come back and slam me down.
The more I realise what I learn , the more humble I feel.No, I dont feel small, I feel humble.I dont know if I m mixing up God with life. And to me there are just synonyms.
I have come to realise that the most important things in life are not the most obvious ones.Money is a mandate and I dont refute on that. But what makes life worthwhile is all the love that is there, the compassion you feel toward a fellow human , the pain felt when another soul is hurt or when your heart skips a beat for a stumbling child.
Last year has made me as strong and as empathetic.Funny , how I think about Matthew and Baskaran , the less prominent people I used to meet everyday. I wonder what is with their lives.I pray that they should be happy. I am anxious for a pregnant friend and think about how a dear one is doing at school and a friend whoz marriage prep is underway and another who has began hers at a far away city. I dont know why. I think of so many people...many of them whom I would ve spoken hardly few words.I know when I see them , I will have no words to speak and it will all be muted by a smile and a nod.
Coming back, I want to be more compassionate than strong. I ve come to realise that compassion is stronger than strength.I learnt it from a 75 year young lady...a very beautiful and compassionate lady.
For that, I am thankful to life.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
A fresh start...
yeah ...I know...I ve been in a daze.Nevertheless the year is still new ...aint it?
Wish you a very happy and prosperous New year filled with lotsa love, light and laughter!!!
A clean, fresh start is always refreshing ...so full of promises and hope.An opportunity to reflect, correct, begin new.
Looking through the rear view at the year that just reeled by...these are my thoughts: Almost the entire year spent away from family and folks..the year was quite a learning experience.
Someone said : "Nothing to lose.Always to win" . Year 2007 took away from me, all that I had made and gave me all that I dint have. I am truly amazed at what I learnt...my capacity to love, to look beyond the looming differences, to understand and grow. On a personal front , this year, I met this face of mine, I had never ever met, not even in my dreams.
I have to thank my family , friends and folks I meet day-in and day-out, for the ways in which they made my life better ...the many things that they helped me learn...and survive.And ask forgiveness for the tough times I put them through.I did the way I did because I dint know a better way to do.I am learning here...forgive my mistakes.
Year 2007 has prepared me quite well for 2008.
For year 2008 , I ve these on my mind:
-> Learn new things ...
-> Look at life beyond work
-> To classify things I want and dont want.Remove the clutter.
-> To respond rather than react
-> To empathize with people before getting critical of them
-> To let go my defenses and be the warm person that I always had been
I want to remind myself that everyone lives to be happy or is striving to be happy.We are not very different from each other....so there is no need to fear people ...all that is needed is understanding.
This year, I choose to understand people.
Wish you a very happy and prosperous New year filled with lotsa love, light and laughter!!!
A clean, fresh start is always refreshing ...so full of promises and hope.An opportunity to reflect, correct, begin new.
Looking through the rear view at the year that just reeled by...these are my thoughts: Almost the entire year spent away from family and folks..the year was quite a learning experience.
Someone said : "Nothing to lose.Always to win" . Year 2007 took away from me, all that I had made and gave me all that I dint have. I am truly amazed at what I learnt...my capacity to love, to look beyond the looming differences, to understand and grow. On a personal front , this year, I met this face of mine, I had never ever met, not even in my dreams.
I have to thank my family , friends and folks I meet day-in and day-out, for the ways in which they made my life better ...the many things that they helped me learn...and survive.And ask forgiveness for the tough times I put them through.I did the way I did because I dint know a better way to do.I am learning here...forgive my mistakes.
Year 2007 has prepared me quite well for 2008.
For year 2008 , I ve these on my mind:
-> Learn new things ...
-> Look at life beyond work
-> To classify things I want and dont want.Remove the clutter.
-> To respond rather than react
-> To empathize with people before getting critical of them
-> To let go my defenses and be the warm person that I always had been
I want to remind myself that everyone lives to be happy or is striving to be happy.We are not very different from each other....so there is no need to fear people ...all that is needed is understanding.
This year, I choose to understand people.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Something to share ...
A beautiful quote I came across and I wanted to share :
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
-Charles Bubois
Life is one wonderful experience and I simply cannot love it more!!!
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New year to you!!!
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."
-Charles Bubois
Life is one wonderful experience and I simply cannot love it more!!!
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New year to you!!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Yeah ..itz me ...rattling again!!!
Did I tell you how glum and pathetic I was making my days?! Well , be thankful if you dint hear that part of the story...I hate to hear it myself :)
And then another crazy thing is that I m thinking in terms of blog posts these days. Infact I would ve written close to 10 posts yesterday inside my head.Thatz how much of thinking thatz happening...and the genre is quite varied ... about career , family , friends, fantasy , big plans , next day's lunch ,waters, movies, snow,learning something new, about using a chapstick,teh spring I miss, following 2 different clock-ticks ...oh my therez so much to think in this world!!!!
Allthis thinking and so,it has been so difficult for me to get some sleep .I was really scared I will go crazy if I dint sleep.Sleep is water to me...cant do without it.With all the worrying and glum thoughts ... I visualized myself getting into the boring adultdom...the wrinkled fore-heads, lost smiles, concentrated rationality, diluted enthusiasm...all things plain and uniniteresting.
And all it takes to bring back the fizz is this !!!!
To feel the joy of being our old selves...sure is priceless. And when this guy talks about that ... I should say he simply stole words from my mouth.
Long time ago I made a decision: However old and wrinkled I become, I ll never walk around like a zombie which has drunk hydrochloric acid. Growing old is simply not on my agenda :-)
And then another crazy thing is that I m thinking in terms of blog posts these days. Infact I would ve written close to 10 posts yesterday inside my head.Thatz how much of thinking thatz happening...and the genre is quite varied ... about career , family , friends, fantasy , big plans , next day's lunch ,waters, movies, snow,learning something new, about using a chapstick,teh spring I miss, following 2 different clock-ticks ...oh my therez so much to think in this world!!!!
Allthis thinking and so,it has been so difficult for me to get some sleep .I was really scared I will go crazy if I dint sleep.Sleep is water to me...cant do without it.With all the worrying and glum thoughts ... I visualized myself getting into the boring adultdom...the wrinkled fore-heads, lost smiles, concentrated rationality, diluted enthusiasm...all things plain and uniniteresting.
And all it takes to bring back the fizz is this !!!!
To feel the joy of being our old selves...sure is priceless. And when this guy talks about that ... I should say he simply stole words from my mouth.
Long time ago I made a decision: However old and wrinkled I become, I ll never walk around like a zombie which has drunk hydrochloric acid. Growing old is simply not on my agenda :-)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Thought-farm - Seed 2
What started with love, ... guided by respect, thrives on communication. Communication is vital to keeping any relationship at glides. Relationships apart , communication, clear and honest, can make our everyday lives easy.
Communication involves 2 aspects - listening and speaking.Openness is inevitable to communication ...in both listening and speaking."Nonjudgmental" is the word I like to use here (and I would not deny the difficulty it presents in practising).
One lesson I picked up from a knowledgeable friend was that , " Always keep your ears open. What you listen may be obscure to you now.But no knowledge is use-less".
And with relationships, we kind-of get stuck and tamper the communication channel when we want to hear only the things we want to hear. When we become selective about what we want to hear , we close doors on people who count on us to hear ... and not mandating us to listen.If everyone thought like the other , it does not take two!!!
Many times, we all are struck by the urge to be good and not to hurt, that we speak things completely tangential to what we think.Well, the truth is that truth is all too powerful to stay sub-dued for long...and even if it is sub-dued , the effort it takes to keep it low is way too overwhelming.We will end up wishing we had it out in the first place.
It can be something as simple as a dead-line we might not meet or a party we dont want to show up at or a friend's attitude you resent or something as impactful as a job you want to quit or a relationship that is asking too much of you. Putting up with things will only worsen the wound.
Quite ironically, people find it easier to handle the truth than to take feel-good stuff. Have nt there been times when we were scared our wits out to say the truth and said it anyway, just to find rather surprising , better reactions? Well, that just is what I m talking about :-)
Do let me know what you think...
Communication involves 2 aspects - listening and speaking.Openness is inevitable to communication ...in both listening and speaking."Nonjudgmental" is the word I like to use here (and I would not deny the difficulty it presents in practising).
One lesson I picked up from a knowledgeable friend was that , " Always keep your ears open. What you listen may be obscure to you now.But no knowledge is use-less".
And with relationships, we kind-of get stuck and tamper the communication channel when we want to hear only the things we want to hear. When we become selective about what we want to hear , we close doors on people who count on us to hear ... and not mandating us to listen.If everyone thought like the other , it does not take two!!!
Many times, we all are struck by the urge to be good and not to hurt, that we speak things completely tangential to what we think.Well, the truth is that truth is all too powerful to stay sub-dued for long...and even if it is sub-dued , the effort it takes to keep it low is way too overwhelming.We will end up wishing we had it out in the first place.
It can be something as simple as a dead-line we might not meet or a party we dont want to show up at or a friend's attitude you resent or something as impactful as a job you want to quit or a relationship that is asking too much of you. Putting up with things will only worsen the wound.
Quite ironically, people find it easier to handle the truth than to take feel-good stuff. Have nt there been times when we were scared our wits out to say the truth and said it anyway, just to find rather surprising , better reactions? Well, that just is what I m talking about :-)
Do let me know what you think...
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thought-farm - Seed 1
Itz more than a week now ...I ve been trying to sort things here at this blog.I am starting to feel I m over-doing that part and so here I start.
Remembering a lesson I was taught back in school ( as part of march-past ):
The two vital factors for any relationship - Love and Respect. Love is that factor that mellows the heart and makes it open up to both giving and receiving .And then 'respect' , that stands beyond all superfluous tones, is that which is reminds that the other person is as deserving as one is in the relationship , love inclusive. While love says, " You are my everything ...I ll do die for you", respect says , " You are important to me ... I ll be here around to make you happy".
Respect is more of a logical but mandatory factor.
It is not uncommon to see love being epitomised all over and hardly anyone speaks of 'respect'.The reason being as simple as, the heart is more vulnerable and convincible than the brain , and short-cuts never fail to allure!!
Love lets you take the first step forward, but respect is what keeps the journey going.
Love is beautiful , enchanting ...the holding-hands , the sharing , long drives , walks , sweet-nothings ...all of it.The feeling is way too over-powering to resist. And then there is aftermath ...tough times , mundane days , rough patches, when 'love' is the last thing on your mind.Respect is the rudder that drives the rough seas...to acknowledge that no-one is perfect , understanding that it is ok to falter , that everyone needs their own space, that wrong decisions lead to right ones , that it is ok to make mistakes and in sticking out for each other.
A check-list with these two factors can primarily help one judge where one is heading to...
Well , that is my first step forward on this series.Share your thoughts ... I would love to hear.
A quick glance on what all slipped-by while I was away from this space: Two birthday (one of it happens to be mine :-) ), my first-ever many things , a few tears and a couple of smiles.
Remembering a lesson I was taught back in school ( as part of march-past ):
The two vital factors for any relationship - Love and Respect. Love is that factor that mellows the heart and makes it open up to both giving and receiving .And then 'respect' , that stands beyond all superfluous tones, is that which is reminds that the other person is as deserving as one is in the relationship , love inclusive. While love says, " You are my everything ...I ll do die for you", respect says , " You are important to me ... I ll be here around to make you happy".
Respect is more of a logical but mandatory factor.
It is not uncommon to see love being epitomised all over and hardly anyone speaks of 'respect'.The reason being as simple as, the heart is more vulnerable and convincible than the brain , and short-cuts never fail to allure!!
Love lets you take the first step forward, but respect is what keeps the journey going.
Love is beautiful , enchanting ...the holding-hands , the sharing , long drives , walks , sweet-nothings ...all of it.The feeling is way too over-powering to resist. And then there is aftermath ...tough times , mundane days , rough patches, when 'love' is the last thing on your mind.Respect is the rudder that drives the rough seas...to acknowledge that no-one is perfect , understanding that it is ok to falter , that everyone needs their own space, that wrong decisions lead to right ones , that it is ok to make mistakes and in sticking out for each other.
A check-list with these two factors can primarily help one judge where one is heading to...
Well , that is my first step forward on this series.Share your thoughts ... I would love to hear.
A quick glance on what all slipped-by while I was away from this space: Two birthday (one of it happens to be mine :-) ), my first-ever many things , a few tears and a couple of smiles.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Re-defining this space
Off-late , I ve not been particularly happy about my blog....its not about the dwindling fan-fare ( which I dont have in the first place) or the lack of comments ...itz about what I write and the way I write. As a reader , I feel that my blog should be something more than what it is now...it should make some more sense and value-addition ...apart from the obvious fact that its my way of sharing.
I m choosing to be move away from being myopic.And my fascination for people and human relationships and my curiosity on those lines will be my source.I know that throwing myself at this possibility is a commitment...just like the one made on Oct 05 , 2004: To start a blog and keep it going.(Well, hope you dont go back there, into the attic ...I feel so funny about that post...embarrassed to be honest.)
I m going to take a while, may be a couple of days , to figure out how I want to structure my posts here-on.
While I do ground-work on my stuff, you stay warm and happy :-)
I m choosing to be move away from being myopic.And my fascination for people and human relationships and my curiosity on those lines will be my source.I know that throwing myself at this possibility is a commitment...just like the one made on Oct 05 , 2004: To start a blog and keep it going.(Well, hope you dont go back there, into the attic ...I feel so funny about that post...embarrassed to be honest.)
I m going to take a while, may be a couple of days , to figure out how I want to structure my posts here-on.
While I do ground-work on my stuff, you stay warm and happy :-)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Whatz with me...
Itz been quite some days since I ve been away from my blog and not without reasons ( excuses?!) .The best bet would be to limit to just the obvious one - writer's block (laziness?!!)
Now that I ve bounced back I want to put down the stuff I ve been upto over the last couple of weeks.Believe it or not cooking was the in thing then...over the thanks-giving weekend and there after ;) Had friends (mine and his) over for dinner couple of times and I really enjoyed cooking the elaborate course(s). I love cooking :-) If you know me a nd are surprised ...dont be...more than a chore ...cooking is a creative medium...my canvas.I would go on starving rather than cook a regular meal...more so if itz just me.There was also a teeny-weeny slice of Thanks-giving shopping as well.
Last week I was upto some experiments with my spiritual self...getting myself to newer vistas..but looks like old habits die hard.I m more of logic than an open-mind.Still,somehow I m moved by the idea of having a faith so deep and strong enough to move you to tears ; A faith to hang on to when all your hopes have forsaken you.I yearn for an open mind and it remains an yearning.
Last week it was farewell time at office...lotsa people rolled-off.One person I miss a little more than I expected to miss is the Caribou Manager. Sure thing I ve not spoken as much...may be grabbing coffee together and occassional chats was all of my interaction with the guy. It saddens me to see someone else in his seat ...every morning (though the cubical was shared in past as well ...may be the fact that hez not gonna be in).I m thinking of a detour there.
The incident helped my discover that I can never be a contractor, I would be crying from one job to another. I m already starting to miss squistle...hes been my charm for the past several months.Saving my sanity ..not just with work.Times like this remind me:I do have a heart ( a fact I often get dubious of).
I ve become pathetic with my conversations.I ve developed quite a disability with speaking out what I think or feel.I ve an innate filtering system ( one I dint choose) ...either I dont want to sound silly , or vulnerable or opinionated or pathetic. And if ever I want to speak out something from my heart ...I go completely blank for words.And I end up simply smiling.Inside I simply choke.I m so unlike me?!!!!
I ve come to understand that our individual selves are greatly defined by the environment we are put into.When I m back home , I ll be my suny self :) Here itz too cold, I hardly feel like shining thru.
Well, itz the EOD after an exhausting weekend and the only thing I can do is to be done with this post and yawn.I m all tired and sleepy.The errands I ve ahead :-(
Oh did I tell you ..itz all snow here ... and feels like heaven!! Some time over this week I m gonna try walking on the lake behind my house ..itz all frozen :-)
Thatz for now...Ciao !!
Now that I ve bounced back I want to put down the stuff I ve been upto over the last couple of weeks.Believe it or not cooking was the in thing then...over the thanks-giving weekend and there after ;) Had friends (mine and his) over for dinner couple of times and I really enjoyed cooking the elaborate course(s). I love cooking :-) If you know me a nd are surprised ...dont be...more than a chore ...cooking is a creative medium...my canvas.I would go on starving rather than cook a regular meal...more so if itz just me.There was also a teeny-weeny slice of Thanks-giving shopping as well.
Last week I was upto some experiments with my spiritual self...getting myself to newer vistas..but looks like old habits die hard.I m more of logic than an open-mind.Still,somehow I m moved by the idea of having a faith so deep and strong enough to move you to tears ; A faith to hang on to when all your hopes have forsaken you.I yearn for an open mind and it remains an yearning.
Last week it was farewell time at office...lotsa people rolled-off.One person I miss a little more than I expected to miss is the Caribou Manager. Sure thing I ve not spoken as much...may be grabbing coffee together and occassional chats was all of my interaction with the guy. It saddens me to see someone else in his seat ...every morning (though the cubical was shared in past as well ...may be the fact that hez not gonna be in).I m thinking of a detour there.
The incident helped my discover that I can never be a contractor, I would be crying from one job to another. I m already starting to miss squistle...hes been my charm for the past several months.Saving my sanity ..not just with work.Times like this remind me:I do have a heart ( a fact I often get dubious of).
I ve become pathetic with my conversations.I ve developed quite a disability with speaking out what I think or feel.I ve an innate filtering system ( one I dint choose) ...either I dont want to sound silly , or vulnerable or opinionated or pathetic. And if ever I want to speak out something from my heart ...I go completely blank for words.And I end up simply smiling.Inside I simply choke.I m so unlike me?!!!!
I ve come to understand that our individual selves are greatly defined by the environment we are put into.When I m back home , I ll be my suny self :) Here itz too cold, I hardly feel like shining thru.
Well, itz the EOD after an exhausting weekend and the only thing I can do is to be done with this post and yawn.I m all tired and sleepy.The errands I ve ahead :-(
Oh did I tell you ..itz all snow here ... and feels like heaven!! Some time over this week I m gonna try walking on the lake behind my house ..itz all frozen :-)
Thatz for now...Ciao !!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Elemental love....
Every time you smiled I felt breeze.
With every step you took towards me,
I sensed my earth spin faster.
The shine in your eyes made my fire fiercer.
When I looked for a roof, you became my sky.
Now you walk away and it rains in my heart...
P.S: Funny how I manage to write poems like a school gurl :p
With every step you took towards me,
I sensed my earth spin faster.
The shine in your eyes made my fire fiercer.
When I looked for a roof, you became my sky.
Now you walk away and it rains in my heart...
P.S: Funny how I manage to write poems like a school gurl :p
Thursday, November 15, 2007
An aspiration...
There are some things in life that I simply cannot come to terms with.Sometimes itz not even things...its people.I ve to admit that I m awfully pathetic with my ability to being good for goodness sake.A hollow compliment for feel good sake does not come from me.Oh my ..the trouble it takes to get over with such critical situations ... situations that require a grey response instead of a black or white one.
And did I tell you about one person whose arrogance and attitude has managed to win my admiration as much as my demonition ? Well , there is this person who imagines oneself as standing beyond the comprehension of the species 'Homo-sapien'.May be its true ..may be its not.But what impresses me most is simply the effort to get there.I would fall head o'er heels for any person who can stand beyond situations, emotions, bondings ...unperturbed.The reason being my inability to step into that haven.
I imagine the feeling would be angelic...expansive..being too complete to be hurt; too generous to hurt.Can anyone be too complete or too generous?I think I ll leave that question open-ended for what I call ... 'now'.
Today, I m full of thoughts.Without a paper and pen, I would have choked.I really have nt thought about why I write.An obvious reason is that I love writing and may be one of the not-so-obvious reasons is this: To save myself from drowning in my own thoughts.
Itz been quite a rant from me today ..is it not?Its because today was one such day...my thinking was on crest and my tolenrence on trough.
Another thing I liked about having done today is leaving my book behind.That left me with no choice other than to think.And I also enjoyed the idea of watching myself and observing my thought-flow.Eventually I ll get to a point where I can actually control them....the multitudinous thoughts.
I aspire to be angelic...to be too generous...too complete...to stand beyond the idea of appreciation or criticism ...love or hate ...or winning or losing...beyond all dichotomy that have ever been discovered.
Thatz from me for now...Ciao!!!!
And did I tell you about one person whose arrogance and attitude has managed to win my admiration as much as my demonition ? Well , there is this person who imagines oneself as standing beyond the comprehension of the species 'Homo-sapien'.May be its true ..may be its not.But what impresses me most is simply the effort to get there.I would fall head o'er heels for any person who can stand beyond situations, emotions, bondings ...unperturbed.The reason being my inability to step into that haven.
I imagine the feeling would be angelic...expansive..being too complete to be hurt; too generous to hurt.Can anyone be too complete or too generous?I think I ll leave that question open-ended for what I call ... 'now'.
Today, I m full of thoughts.Without a paper and pen, I would have choked.I really have nt thought about why I write.An obvious reason is that I love writing and may be one of the not-so-obvious reasons is this: To save myself from drowning in my own thoughts.
Itz been quite a rant from me today ..is it not?Its because today was one such day...my thinking was on crest and my tolenrence on trough.
Another thing I liked about having done today is leaving my book behind.That left me with no choice other than to think.And I also enjoyed the idea of watching myself and observing my thought-flow.Eventually I ll get to a point where I can actually control them....the multitudinous thoughts.
I aspire to be angelic...to be too generous...too complete...to stand beyond the idea of appreciation or criticism ...love or hate ...or winning or losing...beyond all dichotomy that have ever been discovered.
Thatz from me for now...Ciao!!!!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Mad about life...
When I feel hollow with-in,
when earth takes me for quite a spin,
when my days are of shades grey and blue,
when my heart pines for a brighter hue,
a little sun-shine , snow,
chai-latte or may be a rainbow,
I close my eyes and remember life,
the little smiles strewn my way.
Not a single day of mine sways by without a smile,
every aching step takes me to a further mile,
and I know life still is worth every bit of it,
through the streaks of tears and the victory smiles!!
I am mad about life !!!
when earth takes me for quite a spin,
when my days are of shades grey and blue,
when my heart pines for a brighter hue,
a little sun-shine , snow,
chai-latte or may be a rainbow,
I close my eyes and remember life,
the little smiles strewn my way.
Not a single day of mine sways by without a smile,
every aching step takes me to a further mile,
and I know life still is worth every bit of it,
through the streaks of tears and the victory smiles!!
I am mad about life !!!
Friday, November 09, 2007
A Not-so-live update...
Today we had a kitty party , with close to 15 ladies and half a dozen kids.A nice happy get-together ...into which I managed to sneak during my lunch-break,armed with the strawberry cheese cake and green-gram what-ever(innovation happened there!!).Just when I thought I was all-set to join the band-wagon ,with recipes and nice chatter...I discovered my mind had gone blank.
My interactions both at work and at a personal level , has mostly been with the 'X' gen.The few girl (special) friends I have , we are seldom into girl talk. And today I realised what a great disadvantage I was at.And when I shared my woe with a bird of my flock, I knew I had company.But she had a different situation to handle ...a language barrier.
Nevertheless the party was nice fun ...so many different cultures coming together ,
so many kids , funny noises...too many to classify as a howl or squeal:) The not-so-proficient cook that I am, I liked it when the kids liked the chesse cake. I should work more on my cooking ...and more than that ... grooming the gentler side of my gender.Thatz where I need to get back to!!!!
Well, thatz for now...happy-weekend!!!
Oh ..I almost forgot ...belated Diwali wishes!!!
Wishing you the warmth of love ...all year through ..and more light and laughter
to fill your days!!!
My interactions both at work and at a personal level , has mostly been with the 'X' gen.The few girl (special) friends I have , we are seldom into girl talk. And today I realised what a great disadvantage I was at.And when I shared my woe with a bird of my flock, I knew I had company.But she had a different situation to handle ...a language barrier.
Nevertheless the party was nice fun ...so many different cultures coming together ,
so many kids , funny noises...too many to classify as a howl or squeal:) The not-so-proficient cook that I am, I liked it when the kids liked the chesse cake. I should work more on my cooking ...and more than that ... grooming the gentler side of my gender.Thatz where I need to get back to!!!!
Well, thatz for now...happy-weekend!!!
Oh ..I almost forgot ...belated Diwali wishes!!!
Wishing you the warmth of love ...all year through ..and more light and laughter
to fill your days!!!
Monday, November 05, 2007
First snow :-)
Itz Monday and I got to work with nothing short of a bad-mood.Work no longer seems very appealing ...even music seems to fail in pepping up my spirit.Everyone (well,.. almost everyone) around appear to share my enthusiasm.This morning I was hoping for a little sign of hope,that life still makes sense...something to make me happy...some reason to walk the way.
Its almost like the heavens have ears ...it snowed !!! I got to see the first snow for the season.Took a short stroll to get as much snow on me...felt like a cookie getting sprinkled with sugar :-) Life has beautiful ways bringing sun-shine into our days...aint it?
I have so very many things to share ...but just when I sat down to blog , my spirits hit low and I opt out of the idea.Would find enough enthusiasm to pen my thoughts sometime.
An update from the obsessive chocoholic : For my sweet-tooth appeasing, I ve moved from my favourite mint patties to special dark kisses from Hershey's. Friends say too much of mint is not good for me.Google dint have much to say on that...but even I felt I ve not been feeling particularly good after downing around 30 mint patties a day.
Now, that lunch is done, I will get back to work, try and have as much done.
Ciao!!!
Its almost like the heavens have ears ...it snowed !!! I got to see the first snow for the season.Took a short stroll to get as much snow on me...felt like a cookie getting sprinkled with sugar :-) Life has beautiful ways bringing sun-shine into our days...aint it?
I have so very many things to share ...but just when I sat down to blog , my spirits hit low and I opt out of the idea.Would find enough enthusiasm to pen my thoughts sometime.
An update from the obsessive chocoholic : For my sweet-tooth appeasing, I ve moved from my favourite mint patties to special dark kisses from Hershey's. Friends say too much of mint is not good for me.Google dint have much to say on that...but even I felt I ve not been feeling particularly good after downing around 30 mint patties a day.
Now, that lunch is done, I will get back to work, try and have as much done.
Ciao!!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Snap-shot of me...
Its really lovely the way life inspires us... through simple things , unusual places, casual conversations, lazy blog-hopping, strangers or random browsing...I simply love
every bit of it.
Oh , its difficult to handle me when I m inspired ...I get very rest-less and then want things rolling right then...and you should ask me what I m inspired to....mostly reading...time and again.I am at office now ...all inspired ...and you know the rest..dont you?!!!!
Yet another thing to go back to is story-telling...since there are nt any kids around to put at stake,I am my own audience.And friends who know, know of my eccentricity ...that I get chatty with myself.The best person I love to converse with is me :-)
Off-late I ve got myself into this habit of piling up books on my bed-side table...and then devour them like I ve never read before.Sometimes it is random picks,the genre does not matter ...and then the ones that get hunt-down based on reviews from friends.I am so glad that there are soo many around to share the titles with me.
The illustrated story-book for Vinay is a pending project I ve to get back to.Looks like hez gonna be all grown-up by the time the book is in place.Its just that there are too many characters that I ve thought out and am yet to figure out the scheme to fit them in place.
May be I ll post my stories here in my blog...someday ...not very far...
Until then...stay inspired...life is beautiful...
Current mood: ***** Happy , contented, dreamy, inspired *****
every bit of it.
Oh , its difficult to handle me when I m inspired ...I get very rest-less and then want things rolling right then...and you should ask me what I m inspired to....mostly reading...time and again.I am at office now ...all inspired ...and you know the rest..dont you?!!!!
Yet another thing to go back to is story-telling...since there are nt any kids around to put at stake,I am my own audience.And friends who know, know of my eccentricity ...that I get chatty with myself.The best person I love to converse with is me :-)
Off-late I ve got myself into this habit of piling up books on my bed-side table...and then devour them like I ve never read before.Sometimes it is random picks,the genre does not matter ...and then the ones that get hunt-down based on reviews from friends.I am so glad that there are soo many around to share the titles with me.
The illustrated story-book for Vinay is a pending project I ve to get back to.Looks like hez gonna be all grown-up by the time the book is in place.Its just that there are too many characters that I ve thought out and am yet to figure out the scheme to fit them in place.
May be I ll post my stories here in my blog...someday ...not very far...
Until then...stay inspired...life is beautiful...
Current mood: ***** Happy , contented, dreamy, inspired *****
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