It irks me to know that after years of toil ...I continue to be the person I ve always been...the same bloody wanna-do-it-all , confused, mushy, scared existence.
Yeah...one thing has changed -I am struggling with spelling words here ...owe it to my literary dormancy.
Oh yeah ...another thing has changed as well - my ability to appreciate good things in life.It is majorly dysfunctional.Birthdays no longer excite me.Making a phone-call is perceived as pain.I dont even remember what would make me happy?!!!!No...I am not sad ...just plain bland..unperturbed by happiness.
Quite contradictory to what I said about being unperturbed...I wonder if my long-last friends would remember me.My present is a feeler of what it is to be dead...wiped from the memory of all who knew me.
One moment I wonder ,"What kinda person walks away from a dear soul so much to oblivion?!!" ...and then I realise that I have done just the same.Sometimes we choose not to interfere.Sometimes the choice chooses us.Either way the feeling of missing remains.Quite over-powering at times.
I donot look to elaborate reminiscence but to brief greetings ...may be a "I m fine" , " I am doing this...whatz with you?" kinda interactions.May be I m being silly...why do I even need those empty conversations.May be for ol' times sake?!!!
Point to self: "Please grow up."
6 comments:
don't grow up... i go through the same emotions... and sometimes its ok!!!
@Kirthi
Hey Kitty gurl...probably I am looking thru magnifying glasses that the emotions seem so overwhelming..hmmm? Shud easen up.Let it pass....
:) Nice to know that I am not alone in this world!
@Anonymous
Yeah you are certainly not alone!! Btw , I am kinda curious about the person behind this anonymity.I might be silly...but i feel you are someone I know ...or used to know...really really well ...
Start enjoying change as more than the events it is the change of events that is constant."Getting used to" is NOT a syndrome. Two things
a) Nothing is permanent except change.
b)We only drink and breathe as much as our body can take, though there can be an abundance in supply.
If we start owning these instead of believing these, We should be able to realize the age old saying. Peace and happiness are things that are ultimately from within.
Peace.
@Sri
Wow... thanx. Somethings we know way to well...we forget to remind ourselves to remember them.
I used to say that often , "Happiness is a choice I make" :) Probably my memory is failing me...or my spirit
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