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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Snap-shot of me...

Its really lovely the way life inspires us... through simple things , unusual places, casual conversations, lazy blog-hopping, strangers or random browsing...I simply love
every bit of it.

Oh , its difficult to handle me when I m inspired ...I get very rest-less and then want things rolling right then...and you should ask me what I m inspired to....mostly reading...time and again.I am at office now ...all inspired ...and you know the rest..dont you?!!!!

Yet another thing to go back to is story-telling...since there are nt any kids around to put at stake,I am my own audience.And friends who know, know of my eccentricity ...that I get chatty with myself.The best person I love to converse with is me :-)

Off-late I ve got myself into this habit of piling up books on my bed-side table...and then devour them like I ve never read before.Sometimes it is random picks,the genre does not matter ...and then the ones that get hunt-down based on reviews from friends.I am so glad that there are soo many around to share the titles with me.

The illustrated story-book for Vinay is a pending project I ve to get back to.Looks like hez gonna be all grown-up by the time the book is in place.Its just that there are too many characters that I ve thought out and am yet to figure out the scheme to fit them in place.

May be I ll post my stories here in my blog...someday ...not very far...

Until then...stay is beautiful...

Current mood: ***** Happy , contented, dreamy, inspired *****

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

And I learnt what is love...

Back when I was little, I was a pampered , loved child, with lotsa loving souls and great friends around.From there on I grew up into a bag of oddities...mostly a rebel.But one thing I ve never changed is about the whirl-pools of confusions I breed within.Funny , sometimes I think as if therez not going to be another day?!!!

Well, having had love all around , I entered my wed-lock with not much expectations, or may be quite critical of what more good the institution can bring forth? For me it was a social obligation.Nothing more.

Itz 2 years since that happened and now I look back and realize how much meaning the other person has brought into my so called "social obligation".And any credit to me on that front would be unfair.

All along , I thought marital Love is about smiles, hugs, roses, endearing words, long drives, candle-lit dinner, big dreams , professing, passion, romance , cuddling together for a movie, ...and I realise I m light years from reality.Those are reminiscent thoughts from an over-enthused teenager.

He taught me what love is:

Love is when in the first week of marriage I say , "May be I should have waited...", and he says," Take your time to think.I ll wait".

Love is when I fall sick and he tries to help and I scream "Leave me alone " ...he simply stands away, hiding his concern, trying to ease me back to sanity.

Love is when he says, " I m there for you", after a series of nerve-wrecks I ve put him through.

Love is about his wanting to see happiness in my face , no matter where /who the source is.

Love is about the many reminders he gives , despite my irrational and rude resistance , knowing I would need them.

Love is about listening to my incessant monologues , mostly consisting of bickerings, whimpers, fears, complaints , with frequent smudges of tears...all this thru the late hours , with all the loads of work to deal with the next day.

Love is about his telling, "I m feeling hungry..I gotto go", to let me get some sleep , when I was all about a drunken conversation...

Love is when he asks," Do you love me?" and I say,"Konjam".And he says "Thatz ok for now.We will make it 'more' someday".

Love is his patience when I go head-over-heels for a friend or my folk and absolute indifference when it is him.

Love is about his forgiving my bluntness in the name of frankness.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
-1 Corinthians 13:4

I v e learnt Love better with life...thanks to the decision I took 2 years ago...without a thought.

Habits die hard...nevertheless I ve decided to break away from my oddities, mistakes,mixed-up thinking, irrational spurts of a formatting of my disk.Its high-time I pitched in...after all , marriage is not a "social obligation" ;-)

Again, this might irk you ...but this is what I thought: "In a strange sense , my being a brat got me to this episode...which I would like to call , 'awakening '."
Me and my dirty, self-indulgent hard I try to justify?!!!

Writing all this with the earnest hope that he would not come here...unless I pestered him to...

And Madhu , if you are here ...dont ever tell me that!!! And, Thank you for loving me the way you love me...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Life needs more...

You dont have to ask a 'sorry' for me to forgive.
I am quite incapable of doing anything other than that.
Or may be I can forget.

You know, therez this funny thing about love:
Just as..when its someone you love, little things
can seem more special and simple words can mean a lot.
Little hurts ...ache so much ;
Faint fault-lines broaden the wedge.

You have more love than my heart can hold;
I am a colder person , a truth I dont deny.
I prefer a cold heart to breaking one.
May be you have your own questions.
Everyone has their own....questions and pain.

I am confused as ever ...But the pain,
it is sharp and clear.
I close my eyes and feel it throb.
And, I remember why I chose to keep away.
I ve not judged you to stop loving you.
Still , I ll remember my decision. dont have to explain yourself,
I know you much better than you can explain.
But I ve to tell you about the greater lesson that you taught:
Love is just not enough.
Life needs more.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Just when I need it ...

I see this as todays' quote :

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."
-Marie Curie

Do I call this coincidence or divine intervention ?

Whatever it is , I am grateful for that ...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

So long...good night ...

Funny Ashu had to flick back my sense of time to life...I m very much here and life keep my hands full...but the most demanding is my thinking.I m almost an insomniac...blame it on my thinking!!

I m not hurt , angry ,upset,ambitious, planning or doing anything quite sensible.But just when I want to turn my thinking off, I ve a thousand thoughts flashing by.So random , so exhausting.Itz been quite some days since I ve slept well.This simply is nt me!!THIS is me!!! I can sleep straight for 11 hours, just about any time I decide to!!!

This might be out of place,nevertheless, wanted to quote my best friend:
" Biriyani is delicious and good when you have it once in a while.
Not every day.
White rice is not all that rich and tasty,
But thatz what will keep us going everyday , without any harm".

The simplicity and sensibility of his statement makes me smile.I should learn to appreciate the very many simple, humble things that I take for granted.

My over-worked brain is just too tired now...guess it will be a good night's sleep for me tonight :-)

Let our dreams meet and dance in their wakefulness ...sleep thee well !!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

A snap-shot of me...

It is funny the way things like familiar music , food , fragrances and familiar routines makes one feel at home.

I m at office , working as I am listening to music , and just the familiar music
makes me feel I m back in my home country.For a while I forget that I m exactly on the other side of the world :-)

Enjoying this idea of drowning myself in the cocktail of work and music ...the whole thing is so intoxicating ...I m having a private party here !!!

Can a day get any better ?

Sometimes I prefer contentment to is one such day.