And I learnt what is love...

Back when I was little, I was a pampered , loved child, with lotsa loving souls and great friends around.From there on I grew up into a bag of oddities...mostly a rebel.But one thing I ve never changed is about the whirl-pools of confusions I breed within.Funny , sometimes I think as if therez not going to be another day?!!!

Well, having had love all around , I entered my wed-lock with not much expectations, or may be quite critical of what more good the institution can bring forth? For me it was a social obligation.Nothing more.

Itz 2 years since that happened and now I look back and realize how much meaning the other person has brought into my so called "social obligation".And any credit to me on that front would be unfair.

All along , I thought marital Love is about smiles, hugs, roses, endearing words, long drives, candle-lit dinner, big dreams , professing, passion, romance , cuddling together for a movie, ...and I realise I m light years from reality.Those are reminiscent thoughts from an over-enthused teenager.

He taught me what love is:

Love is when in the first week of marriage I say , "May be I should have waited...", and he says," Take your time to think.I ll wait".

Love is when I fall sick and he tries to help and I scream "Leave me alone " ...he simply stands away, hiding his concern, trying to ease me back to sanity.

Love is when he says, " I m there for you", after a series of nerve-wrecks I ve put him through.

Love is about his wanting to see happiness in my face , no matter where /who the source is.

Love is about the many reminders he gives , despite my irrational and rude resistance , knowing I would need them.

Love is about listening to my incessant monologues , mostly consisting of bickerings, whimpers, fears, complaints , with frequent smudges of tears...all this thru the late hours , with all the loads of work to deal with the next day.

Love is about his telling, "I m feeling hungry..I gotto go", to let me get some sleep , when I was all about a drunken conversation...

Love is when he asks," Do you love me?" and I say,"Konjam".And he says "Thatz ok for now.We will make it 'more' someday".

Love is his patience when I go head-over-heels for a friend or my folk and absolute indifference when it is him.

Love is about his forgiving my bluntness in the name of frankness.

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
-1 Corinthians 13:4

I v e learnt Love better with life...thanks to the decision I took 2 years ago...without a thought.

Habits die hard...nevertheless I ve decided to try..to break away from my oddities, mistakes,mixed-up thinking, irrational spurts of over-reactions...do a formatting of my disk.Its high-time I pitched in...after all , marriage is not a "social obligation" ;-)

Again, this might irk you ...but this is what I thought: "In a strange sense , my being a brat got me to this episode...which I would like to call , 'awakening '."
Me and my dirty, self-indulgent ego...how hard I try to justify?!!!

Writing all this with the earnest hope that he would not come here...unless I pestered him to...

And Madhu , if you are here ...dont ever tell me that!!! And, Thank you for loving me the way you love me...